Modern Men, Part 2 | “Modern Men”

Today is actually part two of a mini series because it's only two parts and it's specifically for men, modern men and our ancient scripts. And if you missed part one last week, I hope you'll go back men and listen or watch or save it for your son someday or maybe sit down and maybe talk about it with your sons or your grandsons. But essentially just to kind of catch you up if you miss part one. Last time we talked about the fact that every man, every man listening, every man in the world, this isn't a Christian thing or a religious thing. This is just kind of a thing thing that every man, all of us have made a decision and we discussed this decision last time. The decision is what does it mean to be a man? I mean, I've decided for me, every man's decided for himself, what does it mean to be a man?

Or they've come up, we've all come up with our own definition of masculinity. If I were to say to you, "Hey, define masculinity or what does it mean to be a man?" I don't think I'd get many. I have no idea, Andy. I have absolutely no idea what it means to be a man, right? I mean, you have a definition, you have some idea and so do I because in each of us, every man is subconsciously or maybe intentionally, depending on how this works out for you, subconsciously or intentionally trying to live out what it means to be a man, to live up to our responsibility and the roles or however you view masculinity. So here's a general definition of masculinity or what it means to be a man. And it has some wiggle room because we're sorting this out together and we talked about this last time.

I didn't make this up. I adapted it from something else. Masculinity is basically a set of attributes, behaviors, and roles generally associated with men and boys. That's kind of the general definition. And every guy in here and every man listening, we all have some idea of what those attributes are. Those behaviors are and those roles are in terms of our view of what it means to live out being a man. But as we discovered last time, masculinity is not as self-evident as we assume. Again, we think, well, everybody should kind of play by the same rules, but we discovered last week, not only does not everybody play by the same rules generationally and historically men have played by a whole lot of different rules. So your definition, your assumptions essentially were in large part, this is kind of the case I made last time, your definition and assumptions about those roles and everything else associated with them, they were actually in large part, and this is hard for us to admit some of us guys, because some of us are very stubborn, a lot of that was scripted for us that you were raised on or you inherited a cultural or family script, a script that essentially says this is what it means to be a man.

Your dad or your grandfather or uncle or culture or the city or the town or the country or the section of the country that you were raised in handed you or modeled a script. This is what it means to be a man. Real men always, real men never. And that script, this is true of all of us and to admit this is going to allow you to move forward, that the script created an expectation, an expectation for us to shoot for, to aim for, because we like to shoot name things, to shoot for and aim for sort of a north star, something for us to strive for, something for our sisters to look for or if it was a toxic definition of masculinity, it was something for our sisters to be on the lookout for. And some of us easily put that mantle on our shoulders that our dads or culture gave us and it was easy for us because that script matched our temperament, our interest, our physicality, but for others it didn't work.

It just didn't fit. In fact, maybe you watch your older brother or younger brother struggle. You wore it well. You know what masculinity was supposed to be based on your family script and your cultural script or the part of the country you were raised in or what country you were raised in. But you watched your younger or older brother struggle with that and he tried to kind of live up to the script, but it just didn't fit. Or maybe you were the brother and it just didn't really fit for you. It wasn't easy for you, which brings us to what I think is a really uncomfortable for some of us, but important observation to a large degree, don't leave early or don't tune out early, to a large degree, to a larger degree than I think we want to admit sometimes that masculinity is really a social and cultural construct as is femininity.

Think about medieval art women. This is what the sophisticated woman looks like. If you think about art through the ages, isn't it true at times women, you look at those pictures and you're thinking, "That's not really what I'm going for. That's not really the look. That is not really the thing. Why?" Well, femininity has changed through the ages as reflected in art and the same is true for masculinity. It is very much culturally defined and that's just a reality, but it's an important reality for us to recognize as fathers as we raise sons and it's important to differentiator to recognize when we think about our own masculinity and trying to figure out what in the world does it mean to be man because every generation, every culture within every generation has its own construct, its own definition of what it means to live out being a man.

And then this is where we left off last time. Then you come to church and you hear me or somebody like me say, "Men, I want you to be like Jesus." And okay, I can take this and you look at the person saying that in this case me or they think about the church you grew up in or the priest you grew up with or the denomination, whatever it was, you look at the guy up there saying that and you think if you're what we're shooting for, I'm not shooting for you. Okay. If you're telling me I need to be like Jesus and somehow you think you're looking like or acting like or behave, I think I'll pass. Or maybe when preacher gets up and says, "You need to be like Jesus, you think of this guy." No offense Andy, this guy, he couldn't change his own oil if his life depended on it.

Okay. So if this is what we're shooting for, that's not what I'm shooting for. And as we said last time, when you think about biblical characters, honestly, there are a lot better biblical characters that some of us men want to be like other than this guy. I mean, how about this guy? This is David. I mean, this is kind of more of what some of us want to think about when it comes to being a man, leading warriors into battle, the warrior king or maybe, and this is kind of me to be honest, or maybe when you think about Jesus, you don't think about medieval art, you don't think about David the warrior king. You think more about the winsome, love other people, go the extra mile Jesus that people were attracted to and seriously, if I could have that hair, I would so want to be this Jesus.

Okay That is an amazing picture. I mean, you just like this guy, right? Okay. Anyway, so the question is, which is it? Is it all or some of each? And what does it mean when I say, men, we need to follow Jesus, right? Well, as we said last time, Jesus actually provides us with, Jesus of Nazareth actually provides us with and models for us. The script that all of us men need to subscribe to if we're going to be Jesus followers. And let me just say this, if you're not a Christian or you used to be or you've been out of church for a long time and you're coming back for the first time or somebody's making you watch this because you had breakfast in their home, they're like, "We always watch the preacher." So whatever. Here's the thing I want you to listen because the invitation of Jesus to follow, let me just narrow it down just talking to men for a minute.

The invitation that Jesus extends to men to follow is life changing. And if you follow Jesus, I promise you, you will become a better man and you do not need to fear, "Oh, I'm going to lose my masculinity or I'm going to have to be soft or gentle or I'm going to have to be harsher than I want. " I mean, you do not need to fear that because he was the God man as we're going to see in just a minute. And he models for us guys the perfect script. It's the script that supersedes family scripts, cultural scripts, generational scripts. So you need not fear this. You need to be, I would suggest be open to this and even if you're not really a religious person or a Christian. And when I talk about Jesus, I want to be specific. I'm talking about Jesus as described by the men and Jesus as experienced by the women who knew him personally.

For example, John who wrote Matthew Mark Luke, John, the gospel of John, John grew up as a fisherman, okay, calloused hands. Early he spent his years, he spent his years. He didn't have much education. We find out later. He spent years hauling nets, cleaning fish. He was row burn, sunburn, but he knew Jesus personally. And after Jesus resurrection and John had traveled around telling the news, he decided he needed to get his story out. So he dictates his experience with Jesus. Matthew Mark Luke John, this is where we find the gospel of John. And as I read these words to you, I say this all the time and sometimes people misunderstand it, but I'm going to keep saying it. I don't want you to hear me reading the Bible. I want you to hear me reading the words of a man who spent three years with Jesus, then spent the next 20 or 30 years talking about Jesus.

Now he's at the end of his life and he's as convinced as ever of who Jesus is that Jesus is God in a body who came to earth. So this isn't the Bible. When John wrote these words, nobody had a concept that was ever going to be a Bible. He's just documenting his story. And when he sits down, this is so amazing to me, I get emotional. When he sits down to dictate his story of here was my experience with Jesus, I think he struggled with, how do I start this? It's not once upon a time for sure. How do I even start? How do I encapsulate this experience in words? And he does the most fascinating thing. And when you read your English Bible, you miss it and it's not anybody's fault. It's just the nature of Greek to English. And so I'm going to put a Greek word in the text because this is so powerful.

He's making a point that is lost on us. Here's how he opens his description of Jesus in his life with Jesus, not once upon a time, but he goes way back almost to the end and the beginning all at the same time. I love this. He says this. This is the New Testament creation story. John says, "In the beginning was the logos." And our English texts says the word which is confusing and the logos was with God. It's like the word was with God. And the logos was God. Now this was a showstopper and here's why John, this is amazing. That's why you should read the Bible. John sits down to start the story of Jesus and he's like, where do I begin? I mean, I was like toe to toe hand to hand, eye to eye, face to face with this human being that was God in a body.

So he opens his gospel by declaring that logos was not an it after all. And logos was not a God. This is why this statement is so powerful. Logos was God and he had shown up as a man, a man who embodied wisdom and embodied justice and embodied truth and embodied virtue. And he says, I don't know any other way to explain it. And this logos, he wrote, goes on, he says, "And the logos became a man, became a person, became flesh and he made his dwelling among us. He camped out with us. This isn't ethereal. This isn't religious. This isn't spiritual experience." He's like, "No, no, no. I'm talking about he was a person like we hugged each other, like we held hands like we did life together. And we have seen his glory." Again, not in a dream and not in a vision.

Oh no, no, no. I mean, I physically, we physically saw his glory, the glory of the on and only. Best way I never describe him, son who came from the Father absolutely full of grace and truth. He was not a balance of grace and truth. He was full on grace. He was full on truth all the time and it was amazing. He's saying, "Look, I camped with him. I gathered firewood with him. I fished with him. I hauled nets with him. I mourned with him. I cleaned fish with him." And it was amazing and he was like no other. And he was fearless. John would say, "We feared the priest. They controlled our destiny, our standing in society." He was fearless with the priest. John would say, "I was there when we went to the temple. Next thing I know, he's putting together braiding something.

I'm thinking for maybe a woman's hair. No, he makes a whip and he kicks over tables and creates glorious chaos in the temple. And he was not afraid and he faced down these powerful money changers. Then he immediately switches gears, turns around and begins healing people and touching the untouchables and people could not get enough of him. He was nothing like us and people liked him. We were nothing like him and people weren't sure if they liked us, but they sure liked Jesus. They flocked to him. There was something dynamic and powerful and catalytic and gentle and strong and fearless and kind.

I don't know what to say John would say. Back to his introduction. Amen, this is first. Isn't that exciting? I mean, I just get so excited about that. Then he says this to men. He says, men. And Jesus in the logos was life. And that life, that way of life was the light. Here it is of men that his way, his life, what he modeled lit the path, lit the way for men. Let me change gears, ask you this. Don't raise your hand or answer out loud. Have you ever seen a man get lost? Maybe your dad. He just somehow, you don't know any other way to describe it. It's like somewhere along the way, he just got lost. I mean, we knew where he was physically, but maybe a friend, maybe you had a season in your life. When you would say, I don't mean lost spiritually like lost away from God.

I mean, life just wasn't making it working out for you. You just felt lost. Maybe you're there now. And it's understandable. And ladies, I know you can appreciate it, but guys, we assume if we were raised to assume that we're enough. I got this. I mean, that's the script. You got this until you don't. And there's something going on on the inside and you dare not talk about it because we're men. We can't talk about this kind of stuff. I mean, everything's kind of moving. You just kind of feel lost. And here's what John is saying to me. Here's what John is saying to you. Here's what John is saying to men everywhere, regardless of the culture, nationality, belief system, religious, not religious. He's saying, look, he's saying, look, look up here. He would say, "This is what I'm trying to get at. This is what I'm talking about.

" Logos, God and a body addressed all of that. He showed us a way around that. He showed us a way past that. He showed us a way through that. In him, in him was life and that life, specifically that way of life was the light of men. He taught us a different way of living, a different way of thinking, a different way of loving. He taught us a different way of perceiving the world around us. He lit up everything and he lit up everybody with that light, including God, the Father. We were so confused about what God was like and he kept saying to us, "You want to know what God is like? Watch me. Look at me. If you've seen me, if you've camped with me, if you've woken up in the morning around a campfire with me, if you've eaten with me, if you've watched me with other people, you have seen the Father in action.

He lit up everything, including the Father. And then he says this in the light, who's Jesus, the logos, the light shines in the darkness. And he would say, and it was so bright at times it exposed so much. We felt so stupid. We gave all the wrong answers and yet he continued to love us. And sometimes that light was so bright. It was threatening. It was disorienting. The first shall be last. It's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. The first shall be last. Nobody wants to be last. He's like, " Well, then you'll never be first. "And then he walks off. We're like, " What? "And then in the end, they would tell us that Jesus, the light of the world, the light of your life, the light of men marched his light into the darkness of Jerusalem knowing it wouldn't work out. The darkness of Jerusalem were holy men were plotting to kill him.

And John would tell you, " Hey, we're following at a distance and we knew things would not end well and they didn't. And then they did and everything changed and the darkness has not overcome it, did not overpower it, did not snuff it out. The logos, the way of the king prevailed and the darkness lost. Peter, John, the guys, the women that experienced Jesus, they would tell you. They would tell me. They've tried to tell us through their lives, their testimonies, their writings that survived the centuries because of how precious they were to the people who knew Jesus. They would assure us we were never more alive. We were never more fully alive than when we were with our king and walked in the way of logos. And I think they would say, and we would do it all over again. So kind of brings us once again to where we left off last time and I want to be super specific.

So what does this look like? What does this act like? What does this feel like? What does this react like and respond like? And the answers I say all the time is you simply follow Jesus through the gospels to discover that. But today I'm going to get you started. I'm going to give you some snapshots that are drawn directly from the gospels to get us started if you're willing to adopt the script of Jesus for you as a man. A man who chooses the Jesus script is a man who forgives regardless without being asked.

It's a man who refuses to return evil for evil, but looks for an opportunity to return good for evil because that's what strength of character actually does and that's what your Heavenly Father did for you. A person who embraces the Jesus script is a man who understands that lust commoditizes a woman, that mental lust reduces a woman to a thing to be used and discarded in his mind and is thus dishonoring to a person who is precious to his king. A man who embraces the Jesus script is a man who leaves revenge in God's capable hands, not because he's weak and afraid, but because he realizes that revenge is for the weak. A man who embraces the script for manhood from Jesus is a man who publicly celebrates the success of other men because he's not controlled by jealousy or envy. It's a man who is not owned by his possessions, but sees his possessions as tools and a trust and an opportunity to express his faithfulness to the kingdom of God who recognizes that everything that's ever placed in our hands is the result of God's grace to us.

And it may come to me but it's not all for me. And they don't give the ... This is the man who doesn't give in to the consumption assumption that if it comes to me, it's to be consumed by me. It's a man who equates greatness with elevating others rather than himself. It's a man who stands at the funeral of a friend and weeps openly.

It's a man who stops to help someone who can't return and maybe wouldn't even return the favor. It's a man who's more concerned with controlling himself than controlling the people around him. It's a man who knows when it's time to turn over tables and when it's time to turn the other cheek and is not confused about the difference or the people impacted. It's a man who's more inclined to defend the rights of others than his own. It's a man who will speak the truth regardless of the consequences. It's a man who is angered by the mistreatment of others and yet it's a man who's not overly troubled by trouble.

It's a man who ends every single day with a clear conscience between him and God and him and the people around him. This is what I would just ... I don't know how to extend a stronger invitation than to say, if you forget the rest, if you would engage with this, when you take on the Jesus script for you as a man, you become a man who is willing to bring the fight to his two primary enemies every single day, his appetites and his insecurities. It's a man who equates success with doing the will of his Father in heaven.

So I create these and create these slides and I read these things over and over and over in preparation and it is so convicting to me because I want to be that kind of man and in my own strength, I cannot, as we've talked about recently, I keep bumping into my own limitation. Mine runs out, my patience runs out, my self-control runs out, my kindness runs out, my gentleness runs out, my generosity and compassion. They run out and it's in those moments, men, if we will acknowledge our need, if we will acknowledge, "Hey, turns out I'm not enough. I don't have it together. I can't pull this off without the help of my God." And this is where John and Peter and the rest of them would say, "This is what was so amazing that he invited us to expose our weakness to each other and to him.

And then we found the strength to be more like him because on our own we were nothing like him, but we sure liked him and we wanted to be more like him. And I want to be that kind of man because Sandra, my kids and my grandkids deserve that kind. And you know what? Your wife and your children and your future wife and your future children deserve that kind of man as well because that's who you were created to be and that's what was modeled by the God man.

So in the meantime, fish and hunt and decorate and paint and hike and code and shoot and design, drive a raptor or drive a mini Cooper, collect things, build things, create things, throw things, hit things, grow things. All those things are just part of how you're designed and how you're created in your interest and your temperament and your personality and your physicality. We're not all the same. But in the midst of that, remember there is a script that transcends interest, personality and temperament. It's the script modeled by our savior and that's what you're invited into. And that's what I would encourage you, even if you don't consider yourself a religious person, to consider the script modeled by our savior. So back to our original question, what does it mean to be a man? How do we define masculinity? I'm convinced that John, I'm convinced and I think John was convinced, Peter was convinced.

The women who experienced Jesus were convinced that the answer really literally is found in the person of Jesus of Nazareth, the line of Judah, the lamb of God, the light of men. And if we follow men, men if we follow, we will not all be the same. That is not in the plan. We will not all be the same, but we will all be better men and the world will be a better, safer place for everybody. Last thing, if you're not a Jesus follower, perhaps you should consider it. And here's what I'll promise you. You have everything and noth to lose and you have everything to give. Hey, thanks so much for watching. If you enjoyed this video, please make sure you check out the links on your screen for what to watch next and check out the description below where we are going to provide you with free resources designed to help you make better decisions and live with fewer regrets.

And again, thanks for watching.